this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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