I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
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This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
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whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
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