i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
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when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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