I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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