I accidentally burped into my bong.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
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sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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