You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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