She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Randomize