Well douche your snatch and let's go!
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Ketchup is God's man juice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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