I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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