my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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