we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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