Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
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