I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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