Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize