So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
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a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
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