i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
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Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
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Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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