Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Randomize
Follow @tfln