Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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