she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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