last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
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