I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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