and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
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I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
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Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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