Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
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I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
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Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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