explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
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Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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