There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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