i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize