bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I have tasted many bathrooms
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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