11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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