$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize