the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
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