I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize