why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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