Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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