You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
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I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
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On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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