Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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