WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize