Too much gin, very little bucket
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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