I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is an emotional support booty call
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize