As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
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