..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
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