Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize