Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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