we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize