i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Why is your signature on my underwear?
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NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
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He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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