These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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