my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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