Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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