we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
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Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
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It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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