i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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