I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize